You Are Where You Are—Now What?

There are moments in life when we have to tell ourselves the truth: we are where we are because of the choices we’ve made.

For some, this realization lands softly. It shows up as success—earned promotions, financial stability, professional recognition, a sense of momentum. These outcomes are not accidents. They are the result of intentional decisions, consistent effort, and sacrifices made along the way. And in those moments, we should take the credit. Too often, especially as Black women, we are taught to downplay our role in our own success, to attribute it to luck, timing, or the generosity of others. But success is not something that merely happens to us. It is something we build. When things are good, we are allowed to say, I did this.

But there are other seasons—quieter, heavier ones—when that same truth feels harder to sit with.

Seasons where life feels stalled or misaligned. Where you wake up tired in ways sleep doesn’t fix. Where the work no longer nourishes you, the path ahead feels foggy, and you find yourself stuck between gratitude for what you have and grief for what you thought you’d have by now. These are the moments when we feel unfulfilled, restless, unsure of our next move—or whether we even have the energy to make one.

Acknowledging that you are where you are because of your choices is not an invitation to shame yourself in these moments. It is not about self-blame, moral failure, or taking responsibility for harm that was never yours to carry. Systems, inequities, trauma, and circumstances beyond our control shape our lives in real and lasting ways. Naming your agency does not mean denying those realities.

This isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about telling yourself the truth without cruelty.

I believe this realization is a different kind of invitation—one that asks for honesty, not punishment. One that says: Look around. Take inventory. See what belongs to you.

Because while not everything is your fault, some things are your responsibility.

Your outcomes are reflections of your actions. Not your intentions. Not your potential. Not the version of yourself you mean to become “one day.” Your outcomes reflect what you consistently do—or avoid—right now.

Are you showing up for yourself, or only for everyone else?

Are you being consistent, or just intermittently inspired?

Are your daily actions aligned with the goals you say you want, the purpose you claim, the life you imagine for yourself?

Or are you hoping clarity will arrive before commitment?

These are uncomfortable questions. They require us to sit with the possibility that some of our stuckness isn’t bad luck or external obstruction—it’s misalignment. It’s fear disguised as patience. Exhaustion mistaken for intuition. A season of avoidance dressed up as waiting for the “right time.”

Owning your part doesn’t mean everything is your fault. It means recognizing where you still have power.

What boundaries have you not enforced?

What truths have you been postponing?

What decisions are you deferring because choosing would mean letting something go?

Sometimes the hardest truth to face is not that life has been unfair—but that we’ve been tolerating what no longer fits.

And here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: awareness without action is just another form of self-betrayal. You can name your dissatisfaction, articulate your goals, journal your intentions, and still remain stuck if nothing changes in how you move. Growth does not come from insight alone. It comes from follow-through.

So if it’s true that you are where you are because of the choices you’ve made, then it’s also true that you are not trapped here.

You are allowed to choose differently.

You are allowed to pivot without apology.

You are allowed to outgrow decisions that once made sense.

The question isn’t how did I end up here? The question is: Now that I see where I am, what am I willing to do about it?

Because clarity always asks something of us. And leadership—real leadership—starts with taking responsibility for your own life, not in a punishing way, but in a powerful one.

You are where you are.

So where, intentionally, do you want to go next?

And what choice will you make today that moves you one step closer?

be well, sis